Nothing can last forever and we all know this; so cherish every moment as they are all leading to your last. By changing the diction of the couplet the entire effect of the poem is lost. Instead of ending gracefully as yellowing leaves do, falling silently to the ground, the prose version screeches to a halt. The entire effect of the poem is lost by a renegade sentence. However, akin to the dying leaves, whose exuberant end is more celebrated than their entire being, the sonnet ends with it's most powerful lines, turning the entire work from mundane into something beautiful. This heroic couplet blatantly give the theme of the poem and empathises with those lovers of aesthetics who witnessed the once raging fire's gluttony consume itself, and watched as the crimson sky faded into interminable blackness.
All the examples serve to give credence to this final message, so maybe in Shakespear's era it wasn't such common ideology. Yet, now that I think about it, it really isn't in our time either, for by extending the theme it could be interpreted as 'since all things will end, only love what you care for', why waste what's left of your time together hating?
I agree that everything comes to a halt when the diction is changed at the end of the poem. There was a sudden transition from a slow, impending death to the idea of something so tragic making love more strong and then leaving, which was kind of weird.I am not sure I would call the sonnet mundane, but that is your choice. I think you missed some pivotal points such as the effect of the fire which consumes itself, the impending end of the day as implied by the sunset as well as the death of the seasons leading to the death of the year. I liked your analysis of form, but I think the content of the poem could have been related a little bit better.
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